Narcissistic Relationships

Narcissism is a new word for me. I didn't know what it meant until last week, and yes, I even graduated college. For those who don't know what it is, Narcissus was, in Greek mythology, a youth who was pretty into himself. He turned down a nymph echo and for his punishment he was to forever be in love with his own reflection in the water. In the most broad and simple form, I like to think narcissism=selfishness.

What sparked my interest in this new vocab word of the month was a study done in colleges around the US that show students are more narcissistic than in previous generations. To me, a bulk of this issue has to do with relationships. Some wise man once told me that everything we screw up as humans can stem back to selfishness. Example: Eve ate the apple because she thought that eating it would open her eyes and she would be like God, even though God told her not to do so. She did it out of selfish ambition...she was getting hers, she was looking out for number one right? In Matthew 16:24 NLT (one of my favorites) Jesus says "If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me." Other translations say "deny himself, and follow me" meaning that we need to kill the narcissism in us and think of others more than ourselves, be humble.

Why has the word humility become a negative word in our society? Who wants to show humility any more?

Surely narcissism isn't anything new on earth, but is it really growing in our generations to come? That's heartbreaking. Yet thinking about it forces me to reminisce about times I have been selfish, it sucks. And I repent. I think in today's society we are pushing narcissism more and more. Making sure that our kids know that "you have to look out for you first and foremost." We are always told that you can be whatever you want, you are special, you can accomplish anything if you put your mind to it. Which is true, but it is with selfish ambition. It's all about you, you, you. I think too many people are looking at relationships as price tags, asking what can this person do for me? Instead of a what can I do for you type mentality. Another wise man gave me another take on the verse where Jesus says "it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than a rich man to enter the Kingdom of God." That's pretty scary when we're talking about a society whose majority goal is to get rich. But his take was that once a rich person goes to church, meets Christians, meets anybody, and they find out what they do or what they're "worth", they tend to treat them differently than if they were just an average Joe. I don't think people like to be treated like dollar symbols but as a human. So they end up secluding themselves from all the relationships they find as pointless because of the price tag now tattooed on their forehead.

I struggle with this sometimes...is it just me?

I don't want to be building a 'network' when I meet new people I want to build community. I don't want "This is a relationship worth pursuing" to ever cross my mind. Every relationship should be worth pursuing not because of its extrinsic value but its intrinsic value. To humble yourself and think of others before yourself. Probably seems odd to some people. But it's what Christianity is all about. It doesn't mean that we should be a doormat either. We do need to look out for ourselves, but it's a question of value. Do I do things out of selfish ambition, or necessity? When there is a fork in the road, do I choose my way, or God's way?

I thought it interesting that this comes up during our Jesus Style: Leading and Following series. Gods timing is truly impeccable.

I felt like I should have started this with "Dear Diary." Now that I read it I don't know if it even makes sense. If you made it this far, am I wrong?